Picture taken 11.2.09 when I was the guest speaker at a banquet for the 42 families who have adopted this year in our region. Still, in Kentucky, there are more than 6,900 children in need of a forever home. The reason for Adoption Awareness Month is to draw attention to the need for adoptive families in hopes that the number of waiting children will one day be zero.
At the banquet, each adopted child was given a rose.
Here’s Liam making sure Nadia gets one!
Adoption is the heartbeat of our family. So, in light of National Adoption Awareness Month, and because so many of you have asked about our adoption process, I thought I’d take some time to share. That way if you, or someone you know, is interested in adoption, you/they can obtain some initial understanding here.
Adoption is the most incredible and amazing experience. Liam and Nadia have changed our lives and have filled us with so much joy. I highly recommend adoption to grow your family. With that said, everything I’m about to say next, is based on our experience. And anyone who has adopted can tell you that every experience is different. There’s no way for me to write your adoption story. All I can do is share ours and hope that it’s merely the introduction to your own.
We went through Mary Kendall Adoption Program (affiliated with The Kentucky United Methodist Homes for Children & Youth) in Bowling Green, Kentucky for our home study, but we chose Heart to Heart Adoptions in Sandy, Utah for our placement.
We selected H2H because a dear friend of mine had adopted through the same agency and had a fantastic and very quick experience. Plus, after some research, we found the laws in Utah to be excellent, especially when it comes to the adoptive family. In a nutshell, the birth mother can sign over her rights when the baby is 24 hours old, and when she has signed, that decision is irrevocable. There’s no “changing her mind 20 days later” like in most states, including Kentucky. We’ve been told the birth mothers are counseled extensively regarding this, so she is well aware of the “finality” of her signature.
Here’s the contact info for both agencies, should you want to talk with them in greater detail:
————————————————–
Mary Kendall Adoption Program
Bowling Green, KY
http://www.kyumh.com/MaryKendallAdoption/index.htm
270.846.3101
————————————————–
Heart to Heart Adoptions, Inc.
Sandy, Utah (just outside Salt Lake City)
http://hearttoheartadoptions.net/
1.866.712.3678 (1.866.71.ADOPT)
—————————————————
As for our experience, I couldn’t have been more pleased. We chose an agency where the birth mother picks the adoptive family for her baby, so we were chosen by both birth mothers. As for the “openness” of the adoption after placement… that’s a decision you and the birth mother will make. We basically said we were open to whatever the birth mother wanted. Both of our adoptions are considered semi-open. With one, we periodically send pictures via the agency. (We send to the agency, the agency then mails to the birth mother. We don’t have direct contact.) With the other, we send pictures and letters directly to her. We also speak with her on the phone occasionally.
Both situations have worked out beautifully for us. Incredible, really. One birth mother has actually sent gifts in the mail to both kids. Plus, we have pictures of both birth mothers and one birth father. This will be such a priceless possession for our children one day… tangible evidence of their birth parents when the questions come. We will certainly be able to let both of our children know how much they are loved. Twice loved. Loved enough to be given up… and loved enough to be taken in. Their birth mothers are heroes in our eyes.
As far as where to start with the adoption process… the first thing you need to do is decide where you want to adopt from… the United States or internationally. The process is different, so it’s important to make that decision first. I really wanted to experience the newborn stage as a parent which is the main reason why we chose domestic adoption. You typically won’t be able to bring an infant home from another country.
Once that decision has been made, you’ll need to complete a home study… which essentially is a lot of paperwork that seems more overwhelming than it really is. This is done by a certified social worker. Christine Arterburn at Mary Kendall handled both of ours. Once you have a completed home study, agencies will more freely give you info on available situations. You cannot adopt without a completed home study.
If you go to Heart to Heart’s website, everything you’ll need to know is there, including phone numbers, addresses, etc. Plus, all the info regarding the agency and adoptions thru them is also listed. Also, the agency places “available situations” on the site. It’s important to note that the majority of babies the agency deals with NEVER appear on the website. The ones that you’ll see listed are the situations in which the birth mother wasn’t able to select a family already on the Heart to Heart waiting list… which is rare. (Neither of our children appeared on the website.)
The username and password are both “adopt”. Please note, though, you can’t be considered for any of the situations unless you have a completed home study and application. I wanted to give you the opportunity to view this part of the website, though, because if you are feeling led to adopt, seeing the waiting babies is a great motivator to get moving. And when I say “waiting babies”, I mean babies who are still in the womb. Heart to Heart deals with pregnant women, so you are matched with the birth mother before birth, that way you are able to be their for the birth and bring the baby home from the hospital. I could go on for days and days about how wonderful both of our experiences were regarding this, even though our experience with Liam and our experience with Nadia were completely different.
Now, I should warn you, adoption is very expensive. I wish this were not the case, but sadly, it is. I’ve seen many, many families do fundraisers in order to help with the cost, and I think this is a wonderful way for friends/family/etc. to take part, especially if you’re not led to adopt yourself. As far as explaining the cost of adoption, it would simply be impossible to do. Every situation is different, and there are many factors that make each situation different. In the state of Utah, for example, because of the number of African-American babies in need of homes, the state gives the agency grants to help place these babies. Therefore, the agency is able to pay more of the birth mothers expenses. That helps explain the reduced fees for AA situations. (I actually called and asked the question myself.)
Another reason the cost can vary will depend on if the birth mother chooses to deliver in her home state. The majority of girls who place with Heart to Heart aren’t from Utah. The agency flies them there so they can deliver in Utah, that way Utah laws apply to the child. Liam’s birth mother is from New Mexico. Nadia’s is from New Orleans. However, both delivered in Utah.
On the website, you can also click on Placements Made… and you’ll see all the adoptions that have happened over the past year or so. They update it fairly regularly, and as you’ll see, Heart to Heart places a lot of babies. According to Heart to Heart’s website, they are always in need of families open to AA (African-American) situations. Many of these situations come up quickly. And there is no application fee with Heart to Heart, so you don’t lose anything by simply applying.
Depending on how selective you are, will depend on the speed of your adoption. If you are open to different races, your wait will not be long. Cheyenne and I were open to any child God created, so both of our placements happened practically overnight. (Liam is 1/2 Hispanic, 1/2 Puerto Rican… Nadia is 1/2 Caucasian 1/2 Nicaraguan… and we adore them just the way they are.)
The way I see it, God created each of us, and we are all beautiful in His eyes. Any child, regardless of the color of their skin or the country they were born in, deserves a forever family.
I know this is a lot of information to take in, but quite frankly, it’s just the tip of the iceberg! Have fun in your quest! Adoption is an adventure, but the treasure you will receive makes the roller coaster of emotions worth it.
